The Family Name

PAK (some write it Park in English)... my family name.

I painted this board for a friend's wall and as I was thinking of what to paint/create, I decided to go with my family name in Korean. A name that connects me to a rich history, culture, background, and gives meaning to who I am today.

I think what makes me kind of sad and why I felt compelled to paint this for a wall for others to see is that even as closely as I am connected to this name, I also feel a lot of distance. My grandfather died when I was young...too young to ask him about his own history in Korea, and my grandmother died one year ago, and with her death, so many silent stories I am aching to know now.

I don't know what it is with families and secrets or silent histories... I don't know why I don't ask more detailed questions to my own parents about our family name and our family history and specifics about why they came into this country. I don't know why they don't feel compelled to share this information whatsoever. It's like we live by the policy of "Don't ask, don't tell."

And yet, I feel this name coursing through my blood. I love it. I don't ever want to lose it or replace it. It identifies me.

Was just thinking of my halmoni (grandmother) today, missing her face and her presence, and wanted to share. I'm glad my family name will be hanging somewhere, even when I leave this particular place.

We still miss you, halmoni. A lot.

"I don't think of it as working for world peace, he said. I think of it as just trying to get along in a really big strange family."
-Brian Andreas

Happy for my big strange family in Chicago...

MLK Reflection

“History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people.”

-Martin Luther King, Jr.

When it comes to the words of the Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr., we can all boldly affirm that he indeed was a prophetic voice to his time and into our time. We shout a strong “Amen!” to his beautiful “I have a dream” speech. But the truth is prophetic voices tend to make us shift uncomfortably in our chairs. They speak truths that hit at our inner core. If we dare to hear, they are voices that require change from our comfortable lifestyles. I know this because these prophetic words of Martin Luther King, Jr. made me shift in discomfort, which is why I wanted to share it.

“The greatest tragedy,” he states is “the appalling silence of the good people.” It is so easy to point the finger and to blame the opponent, the other, the “one over there” when it comes to issues of injustice, war, sexism, racism and all the –isms. And we do. We think, “How can they say that? How can they be like that? How can they believe that?” And perhaps that’s just the problem. We think those questions, and yes, perhaps discuss them among people who already agree with us, but would we dare to speak aloud those injustices? If put on the spot in an unfamiliar setting, would we break the silence?

I have recently come to realize the ways I remain silent in the midst of injustice, and continue to struggle with it. I have literally been trained to swallow my voice or be told over and over again by the system, by peoples, by my groups and by different groups that my voice is not valid. I have been trained to be silent so as not to cause any form of disturbance. And yet, I have come to recognize that remaining silent disconnects me from my own experience and internalize my own oppression.

It is a privilege to speak, but even more than that, it is a privilege to be heard. Where are the places and what are the ways in which we are and can be heard? Will we speak on behalf of justice and mercy issues that bring steps of wholeness to all humanity? Will we advocate on behalf of those who are not seen or are shut out by society? Will we have courage in the face of fear? Or will we try to appease everyone and in doing so, lose our own voice?

The prophecy in these words of Dr. King is that we are in a critical time where good people need to break silence. He is challenging us and daring us to take those risks involved with releasing the oppressed. We must remember that at the heart of the matter, his words and challenge to speak are definitely not easy. The result for those of us who speak might be rejection, becoming outcast, being shut down and shut out of our own circles. It is some form of fear that suffocates our voice into silence in the first place, so what will it take to overcome that fear? Audre Lorde writes:

"I have come to believe over and over again, that what is most important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood... My silences had not protected me. Your silence will not protect you... and while we wait in silence for that final luxury of fearlessness, the weight of that silence will choke us. The fact that we are here and that I speak these words is an attempt to break that silence and bridge some of those differences between us, for it is not difference which immobilizes us, but silence. And there are so many silences to be broken.” (Transformation of Silence into Language).

Indeed, there are so many silences to be broken. So let us hear the prophetic words of Martin Luther King, Jr. for us today and be challenged to bring change to that statement.

May the good people dare to speak.

Waiting

O Lord, my heart is not lifted up, my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me.
But I have calmed & quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; my soul is like the weaned child with me.
O Israel, hope in the Lord from this time on and forevermore.
(Psalm 131)

If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light around me become night," even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is as bright as the day, for darkness is as light to you.
(Psalm 139:11-12)

I find that the beauty of scripture is that many times, faithful voices from the past express EXACTLY how you feel. I am really feeling those verses right now...it was sort of weird, actually. Suddenly, it was like I was craving scripture. I was literally drinking in the words of Psalm 139:1-18...verses that I always return to when I need the reminder that I am God's beloved daughter. The thing is, my heart has not been lifted up, but slowly and surely I have finally come to a quiet waiting time. It's the most hopeful I've felt in a while, so I thought I'd share.

Hope peace finds you today.

Happy New Year!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! 2008!
Sae hae bok mani baduhsehyo!

It was good to be home for the new year this year. It is the first time I've been in Utah in years for the New Year and I was intentional about it this year because as our family becomes larger and more extended, the New Year seems to be the more likely time we can all get together. Unfortunately, my brother Andy and my cousin Dustin weren't able to be there, but everyone else was, so that was good. The pic above is one of the traditions we celebrate every new year. We bow to our elders wishing them a happy new year. They then give us a blessing and usually following that, some $$. The picture is me, my sister Linda, and bro-in-law, Craig bowing to my parents. It was his first Korean new year celebration and he did a good job!

Part of the tradition is also eating duk guk, which is a soup with rice cake type things in them. Mmmm... delicious!

Anyway, here are some cousin/family pics! The first one is of the women and girls! From left to right: Kyra, Tina, me, Sarah, Linda, Eunice and baby Sylvie.



And the guys! From left to right: Dennis, Richard, Craig, and Shawn. Missing is brother Andy and cousin Dustin.



Anyway, hope you all had a wonderful time ringing in the new year! I'm back with a little bit of a cold, but overall in good spirits. To a great start!